Silly but legit. My Dad has dementia and is in a facility. I visit nearly everyday as I am his only contact with the outside world and I don’t want him ever to feel alone. I go before my work shift which is also memory care. I’m around it all the time. I’ve been down tired and depressed and exhausted. My brain is foggy and no motivation to do anything for myself. I’ve seen dementia and it’s sad slow decline of once proud people who had a life. I’m so terrified at this point of my mental health . I’m around it all the time. I’m in my sixties now and can’t stop working. I read that I am at high risk not because it’s contagious but because of the toll it is taking on me. I am a Christian and I believe in Gods plan for my life but I am so sad and scared all the time.
Sounds like you have a serious case of depression to me. I would see a doctor about treatment for depression. The toll it is taking on you is stress, which will impact your health is so many ways!
When was the last time you had a physical? Bloodwork? Have your blood pressure checked? Had a colonoscopy? Been evaluated for possible health issues by your Primary doctor?
"Sad and scared" are classic depression symptoms. So is "tired and exhausted." When you hit 65, you are required to sign up for Medicare. I'd get a baseline evaluation done now, as well as talk to a Neurologist or similar specialist.
Have you had a vacation in the last few years? Have a social life? Are close to any siblings? Live alone or are married? All this factors in your overall mental health.
As a Christian myself, I encourage you to bolster your faith by making sure you surround yourself with like people: attend church, find a small-group bible study, volunteer in the church (but not elder care - something completely different); start each morning not by letting the concerns of the day flood into your mind but by thinking about God and reading a daily devotion.
Bless you for being so attentive to your Dad but I don't think he'd really want so much of your attention and time if it were burning you out. I have 3 sons, am in my 60s and have already told them I don't ever want them to orbit around me no matter what. I want them to live their lives to the fullest.
When was the last time you took a VACATION? I don't mean a day off I mean a week or two and get away. No contact with your work or even the facility where your dad is (they can contact you in an emergency)
Second...
Depression, burnout, exhaustion, are all probabilities.
Can you switch your work from Memory Care to Assisted Living for a time. Even a month rotation with different people, a different schedule, will stimulate you.
I realize that working in MC requires a different skill set than if you were working with AL and your skills would be missed but I think after a few weeks in a different area would refresh you. (might be good for other staff as well.)
Lastly ....
there have been studies that people that are caregivers for their spouse with dementia are often diagnosed with dementia themselves. This I think is due to age, family finally realizes something is also "wrong" with the other. And I think a lot has to do with the age of the person.
If you are concerned you can talk to your doctor there are tests that can be done to confirm your concerns or dismiss them.
Stress does a number on the brain as does depression. If your an RN there are jobs out there other than dealing with patients. A friend of mine worked for an insurance company in claims. Now, these jobs can be done from home. An aide, there is private care, one patient to care for and maybe better money.
At 62 you can start collecting Social Security. I think you get 75% instead of the hundred % you get at 67. You can work and make up to $24,480 before it effects your SS. That means you may be able to go p/t. If you wait till 67 you can collect and work too, there is no cap in what you can make. Widow, you can start collecting at 60 with reduced benefits.
Strongly hereditary (clear genetic cause):
- Early-onset Alzheimer’s (familial)
- Huntington’s disease
- Some Frontotemporal dementia
- Familial prion diseases
Possibly hereditary / increased risk:
- Late-onset Alzheimer’s (most common)
- Vascular dementia
- Lewy body dementia
- Parkinson’s dementia
What matters most in real life? Age of onset is a big clue...
Very early → more likely genetic
Multiple affected relatives across generations → stronger hereditary pattern
Single older relative → usually not strongly inherited*
If you are 65 or older, then you will be allowed a free annual wellness exam. They will ask you if you want the cognitive test (the simple one: draw a clock face with the time they tell you; remember 3 or 5 words they give you after 10 minutes).
Say yes to this test so that you have a baseline.
If you have any other symptoms. please discuss any and all of them with your primary doctor and make sure to have a full physical every year. Follow-up with anything your doctor suggests.
My clinic is promoting genetic testing that is coveredy by insurance. You can check into whether this is available to you in your area.
*Data complements of ChatGPT 5.3
You are exhausting yourself. You can not keep up this daily routine. Allow yourself to be excused from visiting your dad in a care facility every day in addition to your work obligations. It is no good for your health. He is safe and being taken care of.
He does not need connection to the outside world. With dementia, his world has already become smaller. The memory care is his world now. Cut back to once or twice a week, and see if that makes a difference in your overall health.
You're right that you could inherit this disease. And, Yes, being tired, depressed and exhausted can make you more prone to illness. Start now by making plans in case that happens. Assign a POA and Medical Representative. Talk with a friend or family member about your wishes if you should become ill and not able to make decisions for yourself and create an Advance Directive form detailing your wishes. Feeling prepared for worst case scenario could help alleviate some of your fears, knowing you have a plan to be cared for.
There have been many studies where depression disorders and dementia are linked. Dementia is not a mental illness. Please do yourself a favor and see a mental health professional. Then get out of memory care. You may even try retiring early and applying for disability because of your depression. Please stop working in memory care for your own sake, and cut back on the daily visits to your father. If you visited every other day, he'd still be okay. You have to take care of you. What happens to him if something happens to you? God have a plan for us all. I can't think the one he has for you is to drive yourself into the grave caregiving and being around dementia residents 7 days a week.
But so can burn out. So you might need a really good rest and reset.
See All Answers