Silly but legit. My Dad has dementia and is in a facility. I visit nearly everyday as I am his only contact with the outside world and I don’t want him ever to feel alone. I go before my work shift which is also memory care. I’m around it all the time. I’ve been down tired and depressed and exhausted. My brain is foggy and no motivation to do anything for myself. I’ve seen dementia and it’s sad slow decline of once proud people who had a life. I’m so terrified at this point of my mental health . I’m around it all the time. I’m in my sixties now and can’t stop working. I read that I am at high risk not because it’s contagious but because of the toll it is taking on me. I am a Christian and I believe in Gods plan for my life but I am so sad and scared all the time.
Sounds like you have a serious case of depression to me. I would see a doctor about treatment for depression. The toll it is taking on you is stress, which will impact your health is so many ways!
When was the last time you had a physical? Bloodwork? Have your blood pressure checked? Had a colonoscopy? Been evaluated for possible health issues by your Primary doctor?
"Sad and scared" are classic depression symptoms. So is "tired and exhausted." When you hit 65, you are required to sign up for Medicare. I'd get a baseline evaluation done now, as well as talk to a Neurologist or similar specialist.
Have you had a vacation in the last few years? Have a social life? Are close to any siblings? Live alone or are married? All this factors in your overall mental health.
As a Christian myself, I encourage you to bolster your faith by making sure you surround yourself with like people: attend church, find a small-group bible study, volunteer in the church (but not elder care - something completely different); start each morning not by letting the concerns of the day flood into your mind but by thinking about God and reading a daily devotion.
Bless you for being so attentive to your Dad but I don't think he'd really want so much of your attention and time if it were burning you out. I have 3 sons, am in my 60s and have already told them I don't ever want them to orbit around me no matter what. I want them to live their lives to the fullest.
When was the last time you took a VACATION? I don't mean a day off I mean a week or two and get away. No contact with your work or even the facility where your dad is (they can contact you in an emergency)
Second...
Depression, burnout, exhaustion, are all probabilities.
Can you switch your work from Memory Care to Assisted Living for a time. Even a month rotation with different people, a different schedule, will stimulate you.
I realize that working in MC requires a different skill set than if you were working with AL and your skills would be missed but I think after a few weeks in a different area would refresh you. (might be good for other staff as well.)
Lastly ....
there have been studies that people that are caregivers for their spouse with dementia are often diagnosed with dementia themselves. This I think is due to age, family finally realizes something is also "wrong" with the other. And I think a lot has to do with the age of the person.
If you are concerned you can talk to your doctor there are tests that can be done to confirm your concerns or dismiss them.
I hope you can get some help with your mental health and find peace. Can you consider changing careers?
In a word: no. In another word: however.
No one in my family has ever had a dementia, however, I was a volunteer at a nursing home for years. I never had to deal with the strain that a worker in a facility has to deal with, be that a CNA or whatever, but I get it. It's tough work.
There is a statistic that I read that a caregiver of someone with dementia loses eight years off of their expected life. Don't let that panic you. This does not have to be you or anyone reading this.
I in no way want to insult any caregiver nor anyone who works with dementia patients, but what I have observed is that many are not in good shape. That is not through laziness but, in my opinion, simply through exhaustion. That exhaustion causes dementia workers (or any caregiver) to grab to eat whatever is fast and easy. Often that is a carb.
That might very well lead to a dementia down the road. Here's what I mean.
So much of the diseases, dementia or otherwise, are caused by what we eat. It seems so simple, but many people miss this.
Heypaula, I have no idea what your eating habits are, but there is a reason that some people live into their 90s or even their 100s with no dementia. They eat proteins (e.g., eggs with the yoke, beef, bacon, chicken, fresh-caught fish), good fats (e.g., avocado, real butter), and non-starchy vegetables (e.g., broccoli, leafy greens).
What they don't eat is sugar. They keep their carbs to 50-100 grams per day, and when I say carbs, I mean natural carbs (e.g., raspberries, blueberries, apples) and not carbs from bread and other pastries.
They buy little to no packaged goods. They stick to natural foods.
Also, very importantly, is that they NEVER cook with seed oil, which are toxins, inflammatory to the body and especially the brain. If you must cook with anything, use olive oil (don't let it get too hot), real butter, or tallow.
They never drink soda, especially colas which have phosphoric acid in them and can truly harm a person's microbiome (think intestines). They don't drink milk (after about age 11/12, the human body no longer has the enzymes that can break down the milk, and since milk has a high residue, it acts like sandpaper on a person's intestines).
What is better is pure, clean water and coffee (black or with stevia with no harmful additives such as SweetLeaf) and tea.
Getting 7-8 hours of restful sleep each night is critical. You probably know that when you sleep, the brain shrinks slightly and a fluid "pushes" the plaque and other insults to the brain out of the brain. Without deep, restful sleep, that does not occur properly. One important way to get deep sleep on a constant basis is to stop eating at least three hours before going to bed. So, if you go to bed at 10:00 PM, stop eating at 7:00 PM. I stop eating five hours before bed.
Why is this important? If you are eating before you go to bed, your body is concentrating more on digesting...instead of healing. Sleep is for overall healing, so maximize the effectiveness by not eating late in the evening.
Your body is made for movement. I'm guessing that you get a lot of movement already in the work you do, but if you can take just 3-5 minutes each day to go on a short walk outside, that will be one more step you are taking to keep dementia far away from you.
You have much on our plate, so to speak, taking care of your dad and your memory care work. You are an angel on earth. But, you must take care of yourself as well. I hope the above might provide some guidelines. No, you do not have to get dementia, but you do have to do the hard work of taking care of yourself.
SIDE NOTE: Since your dad has a dementia, one other thing you should consider is getting tested for mycotoxins (mold toxins) which can be found in homes and non-pure coffee, etc. Orchratoxin A can cause some dementias. If you are concerned about Alzheimer's in particular, check out the ReCODE Protocol.
Sincerely,
J. Mark
Diet and excercize are important for a health lifestyle, but it doesn't prevent Alzheimer's or any other kind of dementia. My friend's mom died last year. She was a very fit woman. Walked several miles a day and ate healthy. She started showing signs of Alzheimer's when she was about 70. She declined for about eight years before becoming a bedbound, non-verbal invalid until she died and that took about two years. My father lived independently until his 90's. Drove, still played sports, and didn't have any kind of dementia. An old Italian who ate pasta and bread every day of his life. He also drank soda every day and enjoyed lots of sugar. His parents did too. They both lived to be old and neither had dementia. Proteins like bacon or ham are the unhealthiest things a person can eat. They are worse than smoking.
Stress does a number on the brain as does depression. If your an RN there are jobs out there other than dealing with patients. A friend of mine worked for an insurance company in claims. Now, these jobs can be done from home. An aide, there is private care, one patient to care for and maybe better money.
At 62 you can start collecting Social Security. I think you get 75% instead of the hundred % you get at 67. You can work and make up to $24,480 before it effects your SS. That means you may be able to go p/t. If you wait till 67 you can collect and work too, there is no cap in what you can make. Widow, you can start collecting at 60 with reduced benefits.
There have been many studies where depression disorders and dementia are linked. Dementia is not a mental illness. Please do yourself a favor and see a mental health professional. Then get out of memory care. You may even try retiring early and applying for disability because of your depression. Please stop working in memory care for your own sake, and cut back on the daily visits to your father. If you visited every other day, he'd still be okay. You have to take care of you. What happens to him if something happens to you? God have a plan for us all. I can't think the one he has for you is to drive yourself into the grave caregiving and being around dementia residents 7 days a week.
You can't get dementia by osmosis, but the stress and annoyance of that life can really destroy your mental health.
Strongly hereditary (clear genetic cause):
- Early-onset Alzheimer’s (familial)
- Huntington’s disease
- Some Frontotemporal dementia
- Familial prion diseases
Possibly hereditary / increased risk:
- Late-onset Alzheimer’s (most common)
- Vascular dementia
- Lewy body dementia
- Parkinson’s dementia
What matters most in real life? Age of onset is a big clue...
Very early → more likely genetic
Multiple affected relatives across generations → stronger hereditary pattern
Single older relative → usually not strongly inherited*
If you are 65 or older, then you will be allowed a free annual wellness exam. They will ask you if you want the cognitive test (the simple one: draw a clock face with the time they tell you; remember 3 or 5 words they give you after 10 minutes).
Say yes to this test so that you have a baseline.
If you have any other symptoms. please discuss any and all of them with your primary doctor and make sure to have a full physical every year. Follow-up with anything your doctor suggests.
My clinic is promoting genetic testing that is coveredy by insurance. You can check into whether this is available to you in your area.
*Data complements of ChatGPT 5.3
You are exhausting yourself. You can not keep up this daily routine. Allow yourself to be excused from visiting your dad in a care facility every day in addition to your work obligations. It is no good for your health. He is safe and being taken care of.
He does not need connection to the outside world. With dementia, his world has already become smaller. The memory care is his world now. Cut back to once or twice a week, and see if that makes a difference in your overall health.
You're right that you could inherit this disease. And, Yes, being tired, depressed and exhausted can make you more prone to illness. Start now by making plans in case that happens. Assign a POA and Medical Representative. Talk with a friend or family member about your wishes if you should become ill and not able to make decisions for yourself and create an Advance Directive form detailing your wishes. Feeling prepared for worst case scenario could help alleviate some of your fears, knowing you have a plan to be cared for.