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My mother broke a hip in August and later had a hospitalization for an unrelated condition. She is making a lot of progress and I find that she is driving me more crazy now that she is "better." She wants to do dumb things like not use her walker. And she is dying to get back in the kitchen and cook, even though a doctor in the hospital thought she shouldn't, because he thought she had cognitive problems -- actually I don't agree with that. She is the WORST housekeeper. I hate when she gets in the kitchen because things get so greasy and dirty in her care, It was getting nice and clean under my care. She is also the WORST conversationalist. She has always had this very, very annoying style of draaaaaaging out a story and talking about really trivial things in the most minute detail. You just want to die of boredom listening to her. I work evenings, and when I got back to her apartment tonight at midnight, she wanted to have a big long conversation with me because we had had an argument earlier in the day. She is very hard of hearing and refuses to wear a hearing aid (even though she used to work for a hearing aid sales company) -- so I have to practically shout to be heard. I just got so tired of going over the same point over and over and I did not want to wake up her neighbors in the duplex unit next door. So finally I gave up and just let her hug me. I admit, I am a really shut-down person and I hate to talk about personal things and hug people. Being with her can be awful for me. So much baggage. She was the WORST alcoholic when she was younger and her 2nd husband was a child molester and in general an asshole. I avoided her for a good 15 years of my adult life, but decided after her husband died to help her out and it has been just one thing after another. I helped her get out of credit card debt (still working on it), helped her sell her house and move into a safe apartment, have helped her with her stinky dog. I've sunk thousands of dollars and hours into "helping" her and -- you guessed it -- it NEVER seems like enough. Sheesh. How do you not lose your mind dealing with someone who has some sort of undiagnosed mental illness and is in cognitive decline anyway from old age and TIAs, etc. etc. etc. Help!

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I'm sorry...but I have to tell you, this sounds so familiar. My mom is 91 she lived on her own for years up until her last fall in July. The doctors at the hospital did tests on her and discovered that she has progressive dementia. She now lives with me. She has become someone totally different towards me. I did the same as you was at her side all the time. She thinks she can do lots of things. I feel bad because she tries to prove to me that she can do things on her own and she fails. Then she is so upset and frustrated. She also is very hard of hearing and is losing her eye sight do to Macular degeneration. Her dementia has made things really hard. She treats me as a caregiver/slave. I love my mom..I hate this disease. I know how frustrating it gets. I have often thought of throwing in the towels so to speak..but I just can't. Good luck and God Bless.
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Cycloops - It all sounds horribly frustrating. I don't have a solution for you but I wanted to sympathise with you about the hearing aid thing. Hard-of-hearing people who won't wear them can drive us nuts. In their defence, I am told that some hearing aids pick up too much ambient noise so make having a conversation most unpleasant for the wearer. But if there is no reason why your mom won't wear one, try speaking in a normal or even softer voice. Don't pander to her by shouting everything - it's exhausting. See if she gets the hint once she realised you're not prepared to shout all the time. When I get old I am going to make use of hearing aids, walkers, automatic wheelchair (woohoo).......anything to make my life easier.
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To PandaRosa, it is probably better to grow up with a decent one, then you can have great memories at least, most of my life was S$%^t..and it still is that way for the most part..I had a perfectionistic OCD mother who called me "sloppy Sally the Sow", told people when I was little "pretty in the cradle, ugly at the table" to people in public, apparently she was embarrassed about how I looked..ok I would have looked better if she had spent money on my haircuts I had bowl cuts, not to mention she went once a week for a wash and style (this was the 60's) and when I was upset hauled me to the mirror when I cried and said "I hope your face doesnt stay that way" and "look in the mirror, I think that the devil got into you last night"...now keep in mind I was under the age of TEN. I had to clean her whole house and then she would put on a white glove and see if there was any dust and then if there was, and there was if she was in a bad mood, even if there wasnt, I had to do it all over AGAIN..keep in mind I was under TEN! And to this day she is still a terror..I cringe when I hear her door squeek...I promised my father I would care for her after he died..but my God what a job! Hey thanks Dad..love ya..you are the lucky one..you got away. but you had to die of colon cancer to do it.
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So sorry to hear about all the abuse -neglect you guys faced. Life kinda sucks sometimes. Prayers to you all.
Just a note about the ants. I found out that cinnamon is great at keeping ants away. I hate using harsh chemicals ( dog, cats and kid) so I would sprinkle plain old cinnamon around the window that some ants were getting into when it rained and it really worked. You can sprinkle it in cabinets too though it looks messy but it will keep the ants away safely.
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Mishka -- I've never heard that about cinnamon. I'll try that around the dog's dish next summer
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The Work of Byron Katie would be my advice.
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My mom is only 68 and I had to move her to a senior community apartment. She feels like she is around a lot of "old people" and doesn't belong there. However, she can no longer cook or do household chores. I have to remind her to take a shower and her meds and I am taking care of her finances. She has had a number of "mini-strokes" and has had a heart attack with triple by-pass and in early stages of dementia. She is also a hoarder and I'm having trouble keeping her from trashing her apartment like she did her house. She doesn't understand why I get so upset when she has so much stuff piled up! She is always asking how much money she has and is upset with me that I won't let her have access to it because she would only buy more stuff she does not need. I feel I'm going crazy!
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October -- Hadn't heard of byron katie until today. Sounds interesting though, the type of thing that interests me.
Debbie -- My mom has also had the "mini-strokes" and I think that's when her hearing started to diminish. Before that, she could hear a whisper in the next building. ha ha. It also affected her eyesight. Some of the other stuff though is just "her way" though maybe getting worse with old age. I am thinking I am going to have to cut my mom off from access to her checking account. I might just give her one of those Visa or Mastercard gift cards and tell her to have at it with her catalogs and such -- just to make my life easier when I am trying to manage her finances. I do not like managing her money, I don't feel I'm good at it!!!
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All I can suggest is PRAY for help to understand her, the peace of mind to deal with her, and for her to be more compliant. When I became stressed I had to take a step back and pray, it helped me. Sending you my prayers.
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thanks kad -- she's been pretty good lately about using her walker and hasn't tried to cook anything in the kitchen. I started her on the meals on wheels and I would say 3 out of 5 days she likes it, so I feel like she is eating better and it is a big load off of me. I was about to have a huge meltdown today because of her dog -- well, I won't go into details, it wasn't really his fault, but I had a big mess to deal with when I was supposed to be relaxing before going to work. ha ha. Relax -- what's that? Anyway, I managed not to scream out all the ugly things I was thinking. Thank you for your prayers.
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