Today I visited my father in assisted living. When I got there he told me my nephew was coming over with his girlfriend, someone I never met before but I heard they were very serious. So they arrived I smiled and welcomed the young lady like I would anyone and she immediately turns to my nephew and says "Oh yea, I definitely wouldn't want her to handle anything for me.” I was shocked! Just by looking at me she can tell that? I didn't say anything to anyone. I just let them visit with my father. The got the grand tour and looked at some photos and left. Thank goodness. I hope to never see that person again.
This is what I put up with in my family! Obviously the young couple discussed me and the woman said this out loud? Is my nephew nuts for going out with her? Yes! If I did that to my aunt or uncle I would have been severely punished without question.
I know this has nothing to do with care giving per se but it is related in that I try my best to keep a distance from my brother yet this kind of a thing happens.
What would you do?
Family can really add to the burden. We try to actually stay separate from anything involving parental commentaries UNLESS it involves decision making which would involved my siblings. My parent has caused some flare ups with staff/sibling communication. We're not having it. The goal is to keep on keeping on. You should too. You have a choice - you can confront your nephew and ask him what she meant, or you can decide that a very emotionally stunted person blurted out some emotional ignorance and change the channel. It really isn't your problem. Lift your head up, and rise above it.
THIS is why you should do that.
The very fact that you find fault in literally everything and everyone, should have you running not walking to the nearest therapist.
And we here on this forum are not your therapists. And thank God we're not as you don't listen to any of us anyway.
Until you actually get the help you so desperately need, your life will continue on this downward spiral. It's just a shame that you don't yet realize that.
Maybe someday huh?(although I for one won't be holding my breath on that)
I am sure that you were taken aback by your nephew’s girlfriend’s remark. Who wouldn’t be surprised by such a comment?
I am sorry that this was an unpleasant experience for you. You don’t know her. She doesn’t know you. Her opinion of you doesn’t really matter.
Don’t allow her to have a place of importance in your heart.
People will think and believe what they want to believe and you can’t convince them otherwise. So, don’t waste your time and energy on trying to defend yourself in this particular situation. Unless you truly want to speak your mind.
Obviously, they have discussed you amongst themselves and it is quite apparent that they don’t approve of you which is all the more reason not to bother with them.
Sometimes the kindest thing that you can do for someone is to stay away from them and it’s also the kindest thing that you can do for yourself.
Let it go. Live your life. Check in on your dad if you like and don’t try to fix something that isn’t fixable. I’m sorry that there isn’t harmony in your family.
Maybe there’s just too much water under the bridge. Not all relationships are mended. Find other relationships that will be meaningful in your life.
Feel upset.
Then move on with your day.
What's the alternative?
Ruminate & continue to feel bad.
This site is replete with folks who thought they were part of functional families because they themselves never made any demands or asked for consideration of their feelings.
The moment you stepped acqiesing, they stopped being nice to you.
Move on. Move. Get away from this toxicity.
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