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As we have done for the past 3 years, the family will continue to provide evening and some weekend care, so that the caregiver (CG) is not “on duty” 24 hours a day. How do we do this while giving CG her space, privacy, etc. Is this even feasible? My mom’s funds are dwindling after paying for FT caregiving for the past 3 years, with the family covering evening, overnight and Sundays. We’re running out of options other than NH placement.

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Getting mom into a NH that will accept private pay and then allow her to stay on as a Medicaid recipient will get her a better placement.

Getting her into a facility while she still has some awareness and ability to adjust is better than not.

Consider your options carefully.
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Isthisrealyreal Dec 2023
Barb, I am a firm believer in facility care but, it is SO very different then even 5 years ago. They are no longer the options they use to be. Because of this, I feel like people should try to keep their loved ones home if at all possible.

Just saying, not to contradict you at all, horrified at the lack of care in care facilities in 2023.
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Hopefully, the caregiver understands the situation as it exists and knows that she will be giving up some privacy and space by living in with someone that requires 24/7 care. If not, I would rethink the arrangement.

I do recommend, before any move in occurs that you have a care contract in place that addresses everything she is to do, what her pay and hours are etc, including what happens when your mom dies or is required to go into a facility. This will now be her residence and it should be clear that ends when mom dies/moves into a facility and she has 30 days to move out.

Good luck with this working out well.
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Sounds like your Mom may qualify for LTC, which is covered by Medicaid. This is an option to make facility care affordable. You can apply for Medicaid for in-home care but I don't know how much it pays for and it may vary by state. You can consult with a Medicaid Planner for her home state, or an elder law attorney or social worker for her county to get an answer. Also, this "family" should all sign an employment contract that covers the topics of hours, wages, time-off, hired-at-will, whose liability insurance covers what, care expectations, etc. Realize that this makes you/your Mom an employer who is expected to follow the tax withholding rules for your state (W2s, 1099s, 941s, etc). If you are paying people in cash under the table you are exposing both you and them to problems that won't be easily solved legally or in a court. And, you're letting people "move in" so you will need to know what the laws are that cover live-in caregivers (except if you don't have a contract or a lease you can't prove anything). Make sure you know what the risks are before you enter into this arrangement. There are many other posts on this forum by people who were in this arrangement and then eventually had sticky problems.
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BurntCaregiver Dec 2023
@Geaton

In the real world, paying a live-in under the table is very common.
No one is going to get in any trouble so long as the caregiver is literally paid in cash. No checks means no paper trail. That's not a big worry.

I was a caregiver for 25 years. In that time I have not even heard of a single cash-pay case even getting near a courtroom. This doesn't happen because the caregiver getting paid in cash knows that they can get in just as much trouble as the person paying them. This doesn't happen.
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Live-in caregiving can be tricky. Rule number one is to get everything in writing that all parties agree to.

Be very specific about what time off means. Is a day off a full 24 hours where the caregiver can leave the house and stay out?
Do the "evenings" also include overnights? Or will the caregiver be expected to get up if your mother needs something?

What happens if your mother has to be placed or passes away? How long will the caregiver be allowed to remain in the house after?
If your mother is hospitalized or has to go into temporary rehab care, what will the caregiver's pay look like?

I think your best bet here would be to hire two caregivers who will split the week. This way all the time is covered, your mom's house is no one's primary residence, and the time off is half the week. It won't cost any more and the family would not have to do as much care.
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Depending on the state they live in, she can establish residency in a short time and you will have to evict her to get her to leave, which could take 1-2 years.

I would never do this.
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Also, you state your family will do some weekend care and evenings, so you expect this woman to work 18 hours a day, have no sleep time since she will be on call at night and overnight and then some weekends? So she will be your slave?
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Why is a live-in going to be cheaper than having shifts of 8 hrs at a time. You plan on paying this person the same amount of money for the more hours she needs to be on duty? Her room and board are perks. Now Burnt (who runs her own business) says live-ins are salary but my State says they are hourly. I think you should contact your County Labor board to see what the laws are for live-ins. I would make sure the aide has a back up plan so if the client dies or needs to go to a facility they have a home to go to. We have a post going now where the live-in won't leave after their client died. Do not allow the aide to have mail delivered to the home. This establishes legal residency.
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Realistically I think you yourself understand that NH placement is necessary.
In all truth, entering while Mom still has funds will get her a better placement if you are careful to choose a facility that will allow client to go on Medicaid when needed (rare in ALF setting).

As to whether this is "even feasible", I doubt it. It will be very costly. If the children are spending their own funds on this care they are emptying the coffers meant to support them in their own aging.

As to the question of how you set expectations for a "move in" caregiver. Wow! Is this person moving into the home itself and will live there? That can be VERY problematic as you will know if you spend any time here. You are making that residence her home, and if things don't work you have a tenant who may or may not pay for her room.
Your expectations should be in the form of a contract drawn by/with an attorney so that legal stipulations of expectations, payment (including board WHILE EMPLOYED as caregiver only) is clearly spelled out. This could all become a minor disaster if it doesn't work and it is important you get it clearly written out in black and white and done as legally as possible.
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PeggySue2020 Dec 2023
Also stipulations that her family is not allowed to visit let alone stay, that she’s not allowed to receive mail there ever, and that she’s gone after 30 days of moms passing or going into care.
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I went to a CPA who said the same thing as @Burnt “In the real world, paying a live-in under the table is very common. No one is going to get in any trouble so long as the caregiver is literally paid in cash. No checks means no paper trail.”

I then followed up with a lawyer who said the problem will arise when mom has to apply for Medicaid. At that point it will look like I, as her POA, took out thousands of dollars for myself in cash withdrawals (no paper trail).

It looks like mom gifted me all this money and I will either have to pay it back, or pay for mom’s care when her money runs out until it equals the amount of cash that was withdrawn.

While we are taking steps to remedy this situation, and we have a caregiver who mom signed a legal agreement with, it still haunts me. It’s bad enough not knowing how long mom will be on hospice, and dealing with the day to day trials. But now I have this financial peril hanging over my head.

You said mom’s funds are dwindling. I would get a lawyer and proceed with extreme caution.
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If the caregiver isn’t even working at night, why does she have to sleep there? Is she expected to be on call in case mom needs? Because on call time is paid time.
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I think you need to draw up a contract for the sitter and have her sign it. Everyone will be on the same page regarding expectations. You may be able to find a template on google.
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Give it up and move mom into a facility.
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How can one person do an adequate job? I know that you plan on helping out but that isn’t the same as having another person working another shift on a regular basis.

My in laws hired several full time caregivers for their parents because they didn’t want to go to a facility. The last thing that you want is a burned out, disgruntled employee working for you.

Employees deserve fair compensation and tolerable hours.

Otherwise, you are asking for trouble because your caregiver, no matter how well she performs her job, is just like everyone else who has limitations.

Have you compared the cost of private caregivers against facility care? Have you looked into receiving Medicaid?

There are pros and cons to everything. Research everything very carefully and select the best option for you.

If you decide on facility care, please go and tour several places. Don’t rely on online reviews.

I would definitely recommend having a contract in place for the caregivers to sign.

I would not pay anyone under the table. I don’t see how anyone benefits from this situation.

Others are free to disagree with me about how to pay for services. It doesn’t matter to me what anyone else thinks or does. I am going to do what I feel is best for me and they can do whatever they desire to do.

Wishing you and your family all the best.
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