My husband is in great health. The only health issue he has is type 2 diabetes and it is controlled because I feed him healthy foods. He does not have any kind of cognitive decline and he is not an Alzheimer's patient or dementia patient. He has never been hospitalized for anything Thank you Jesus! My issue with him is, he just sits at home all day and doesn't want to go out or do anything anymore. We are not rich and he does not work. I work as a Spark delivery driver for Walmart. I am still young and still have a lot of life left in me and I want to go out and do things and see the world but all he wants to do is sit at home all day on his phone and not pay attention to me at all. This is my issue. I don't want to leave him at this stage in his life because this is the time he needs me the most. I was just needing some advice on how to deal with his unwillingness to go outside or to the store or anywhere. He just wants to stay at home and play on his phone. He is 75 and I am 5O. I got married to him when I was 33 and he was 57 and things were so different. We went to the beach and alot of places together and we had a lot of fun together And now that he doesn't work anymore he just wants to sit at home and play on his phone and ignore me. I just don't know what to do. It's very frustrating. Not to mention the fact that I walked in his room the other day and he was watching porn. I just don't know what to do anymore. Any advice would help.
Kristy, ask DH if he wants to stay married. Ignoring you is not okay. HE may be content but you aren't. A marriage needs to be a team effort, not you cooking his meals to keep him healthy while he sits around playing on his phone all day. Take a look at that phone and see if he's chatting up other women online. Ask him point blank.
75 year old men go on cruises in wheelchairs these days. 75 is not terribly old. There is something more going on with your DH than "exhaustion" here. It sounds like he has an online life you're completely unaware of. Many men do.
Have a Come To Jesus meeting. Find out what's in the cards for your future as a married couple. You've already given him decades of your life, and the crumbs he's throwing you now are UNACCEPTABLE. You are a precious wife who should be loved, respected and appreciated. Not ignored. If you are not going to be treated as a wife, then decisions have to be made, as uncomfortable as they may be. Keep YOUR best interests in mind please, not HIS. He's already gotten enough care and attention from you that he's squandered.
Life is short, my friend. We all deserve happiness and respect, including you. Think about that.
You married a man old enough to be your father. Of course he will have age related problems or lack of energy while you’re still young and able. Surely you knew this would happen someday?
It sounds like you’ve been more of a caretaker than a wife for some time.
In what specific ways does your husband “need you the most” at this stage? If he ignores you, that’s not need.
Be aware that his apathy and watching porn might be the beginning of dementia. Or he might just need an antidepressant. Can you get him to try that?
Are all your financial affairs in order? Do you have POA for him, in case that becomes necessary? Does he have a will, and do you know what’s in it? Does you have access to all of his financial accounts, and all of those you share jointly? You should start monitoring them in case his mind is slipping, to make sure he isn’t making careless or rash mistakes.
You have lots of life ahead of you, but not an infinite amount. Start now to make the most of it for yourself, whether or not your husband participates. Keep us posted on how things are going.
Even before I read down to that line, the thought that popped into my head is whether he has a porn addiction. Bingo.
He needs therapy. You both need couples counseling. If he won't go, then you have a decision to make. Do not stay with him because you think he's an infant and needs a Mommy to take care of him. If he doesn't own his diabetes management then that's his problem, not yours. It seems you are a Rescuer, which is dysfunctional. Start making him accountable for his actions and require him to do some self care so that he can fill some of those retirement hours. Don't enable him.
There is no reason that you have to stay home and rot just because your husband chooses to. You are still young and to be honest it sounds like you may not want to be in this marriage anymore, so I would talk to a divorce lawyer and see what your options are at this point.
And what did your husband say when you caught him watching porn, or were you not woman enough to ask him? I personally would NEVER tolerate my man watching porn, and would have to kick him to the curb if he didn't change.
You obviously were very young and naive when you first got married and now that reality has set in that yes your husband is 25 years older than you, it's not quite so fun anymore is it? Welcome to the real world.
Did he retire recently? How long has he been like this ? Is he depressed ? Or just content being at home ?
If he’s healthy and not depressed , this is an age gap marriage issue. Some people reach an age where they are happy to stay home.
For over 20 years my parents volunteered 3 days a week at a local regional hospital, at the front information desk. They loved it. It gave Dad that purpose of having a schedule to do things.
If there is something that your husband had in interest in the past, maybe reintroduce him to that interest. Especially if there a chance to do volunteer work. Retirement isn't easy, I retired at 75 (not by choice, but covid took my boss, and the business closed). So I got interested in doing family trees, and now I am so engrossed in genealogy, I keep busy like it's a 9 to 5 job, but at home.
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